Every once in a while i get this moment of doubt, i doubt whether i made the right decision about my tomorrow, doubt whether im the right path.. to be honest i’ve been trying to type this note to myself and everytime i get somewhere close to end it i close it and reopen it again.
i doubted whether i should write it or not. I am sure NO ONE have had my experience in life, but needless to say i lost so many people. Starting with close family members who pasted away, lovers, crushes, and even friends.
These losses were a lesson in every loss, i lost both grand and gradma in few years a part and their death was all natural without any cause, and i remember i used to doubt id ever be able to go on in my life without their existence.
I lost a girl whom i thought we were so perfect, but even though things ended peacefully at last i still doubt why she ended it?
I lost lots crushes, whom i simply doubted if there were even crushes in the first place.. and by the way i know a lot of people might disagree or have a different opinion about this, but IT IS okay to have a crush on anyone and it is okay to love..God gave us those two favors to use them. So yeah go ahead and love but never doubt it cuz it gets ugly but not as ugly as it got to me now.
I also lost a fair amount of friends, well they weren’t
friends, but they were the kind of people whom you thought they’d be there for you for life but soon enough once the get what they want, they ditch you aside. So i doubt why they were even being friends with me.
Aside from all of this, i was skyping with this dear friend of mine and without giving any names of genders i’ll just use “HE” to talk about them.
My relationship with that person was sort of an close up to the BONES kinda relationship, he knows everything and i mean EVERYTHING about my life and i knew everything about his. we used to spend so much time everyday together that we never got board of each others.. i remember during summer time we used to fight just because we loved fighting..BTW fighting as in “wrestling” not fight as in arguments.
About 9 months ago he and i stopped talking for some girly stupid reasons and today we skyped again in the first time in 9 months.. It was great. We spoke for about 30 min but the whole conversation was about how we shouldn’t doubt US again and we should always trust in no one but us.
THe dude and i were نفضفض لبعض and updating each others about all what happened in 9 months in a skyped that lasted 30 min. “good times”
Bottom line, after talking to him i started thinking, if i didn’t doubt him in the first place i wouldn’t have stopped talking to him all that time. and one thing he said to me was,
“Before you do anything or decide on anything استخير ربنا and you’ll know where you’re going”
So this is my message to myself from now on. Before doing anything i’ll ask the lord if this was meant to be then let it be. I mean الصحابة كانو يستخيرو إزا يحطو ملح في الأكل او لا فا من باب اولى إنو انا اسخير في كل شي
Ask the lord whether i am being tested to see my strength or weakness is to empower me with strength and patience on those whom i’ve lost because of death.
Ask the lord to whether this person is right for me to get serious with and if she’s any bad then keep her as far away from me.
Ask the lord whether i should like certain people or even have any kind of friendship with or not..
الإستخارة is our key, our mental and spiritual doctor.
k The end yo